It’s Not A Goodbye But A See You Later

20160920_172951.jpgIf your heart’s not in it, you won’t committ to it. And if you’re not committed, it will show.

I’ve tried to keep up with this blogsite for months now. I would normally come up with an idea, write the damn blogpost only to find myself procrastinating. And by now, I’ve learned that procrastination is a form of not being fully committed to the thing you’re trying to accomplish. Because if something’s truly of importance; you’ll find the time, energy and resources to get it done. Alas, I’m not committed – at least not fully. Not at this point of my life.

I started this blog back in 2015. I was at low point in my life, attempting to beat depression and anxiety. I was desperate to be heard and wanted to convey my emotions to written words. So I started soul searching through writing and the journey of an unbroken spirit began.

I’ve learned and I’ve grown these past years. Truly, the pain I felt back then became my strength today.

Today’s pain is tomorrow’s strength. And today’s mistakes are tomorrow’s wisdom.

I’ve been going back and forth these past months but eventually landed on a decission; to let “aminaberg” go (I’ll eventually delete it, just not yet). It’s been an amazing journey. I hope I’ve inspired at least one person out there. You’ve all been amazing and for that thank you!

Why? I’m choosing to move on to new projects. I’m writing a book that I’m now comfortable writing. I’ve started a small business. I’m raising my three beautifull children. Basically, I’m evolving, learning and being Habby. I’m not afraid of being myself and I don’t hide in plain sight anymore. I’m in a good place whilst juggling life – the good and the bad. But mostly focusing on the good.

To all battling life out there:

You’re stronger, wiser and more capable than what you believe.
Hang in there, it gets better.

If you want to connect with me, see what I’m up to or curious to who I am – you’ll find me on Instagram: @_fearlesshabby_ – hope to see you there!

For now, this is not a goodbye but a see you later.

Love,

A.B. (Habby)

 

 

 

Scavenging Through Life

flowerThe following piece was written and published two years ago. At the time I was going through the emotions and taking life day by day. Although, I feel that I’ve come a long way, there are still moments when I feel I’m still scavenging through life, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

I choose to repost it because, although, it’s been two years the words are still relevant. Life is not easy and it’s not suppose to be either. Nevertheless, as I scavenge through I remind myself that the challenges of life does not define me but rather teach me the (valuable) lessons of life. I am who I am. I’m unique. We all are. I try to focus on the good things in life. I’m grateful. I’m living today but learning for tommorow.

*******************************

– Posted March 20, 2015 –

I'm AliveI believe we’re all unique, our journey is not what makes us stand out as individuals but how we react and handle our misfortunes.

My story and experiences are probably not so unique for most people but my story is not what makes me unique, is the person I am – body, mind and soul. Born into poverty, going through lost, abuse and rape, in addition, having to live an unstable life was a part of my journey. I can’t look at it in any other way. Therefore, it’s become more and more clear to me that my past was intended for me, no matter how painful it all was and sometime is. Nevertheless, without my disturbances and turbulences I wouldn’t be the person nor where I am today.

I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given – I can even go as far and say, I’m also grateful for the life and experiences I’ve been given. But mostly grateful for having a mother who managed to do (alone!) everything in her power to provide a better life and future for the both of us. No matter how difficult it all was, she never gave up. She prayed, visualized and acted on the choices given to her.

For a long time I spent my energy figuring out and asking why it all happened to me (us), when the more correct approach for me would have been; it all happened, my past is my own. Now, how can I use it? I guess, better late than never, right?

Having to go through many challenges in my life – good and bad, there’s two things most of my experiences have in common, which is the lessons they’ve all taught me (cause they’ve all taught something big or small) and that everything happens for a reason. We all know by now (or should know) that in every experience – good or bad, there’s a reason and lesson to be learned. We might not see the lesson while we’re experiencing but it’s always there and waiting to be received.

So for me, when something happens (mostly bad things) the knowledge of that there’s a lesson that will reveal itself makes me embrace and be aware of every moment of my turmoils. Now, I’m not saying it makes the problem or the particular challenge easy to deal with but in some type of form it gives me comfort knowing that nothing is in vain. Along the way in my journey I’ve discovered many of those reasons. So for me, the evidence is there.

“If you’re too busy questioning life, you’re not paying attention to what
the universe is trying to teach and reveal to you.”
– Amina Berg

I’ve come a long way, and even if I have more questions than answers at least I’m not afraid to explore and learn as I go along. Questioning life is not necessarily a bad thing, it just means you’re awake and aware but not paying attention in the other hand sabotages the experiencing and evolving part life and we risk missing out on the glues that life gives out.

I’ve stopped focusing and asking to many ‘why’-questions (e.g. ‘why me?”), because it blinded me to the answers that were at times right in front of me. Now, I practice asking ‘how’-questions. The biggest one of all: “how can I insert more meaning, happiness and purpose in my life?”  Fortunately, I’m still learning and isn’t that what life is also about?

 

Wish you all a pleasant weekend!

With love,

A.B.

I’m Not Perfect But Good Enough

Also in other words; “you can do it all, just not all at once.” No matter the phrase, I’m slowly understanding the meaning of both expression. For where I am in my life right now puts everything into perspective. Certain times and events in life opens and closes doors but unless you’ve sealed an entrance for any experience and aspiration, a possibilities still stands.

Admitting you can not do everything does not necessarily mean that you are not good enough but instead it expresses who you are as an individual. Also, admitting a fault takes strength and self-awareness to come to terms with your capabilities and abilities.

A new path presents itself in which I must explore, experience and live out furthermore. For that’s what you do when when life changes the course for you and leads you to a journey unclear and certainly not planned. Right?!

And, if faced with too much on your plate (like I have lately); it’s time to make a choice. Time to ask yourself the important questions.

In stressful times, my mantra used to be: ‘I can’t do it all.’ My first reaction would normally be an automatic negative response, which in my mind confirmed that I was a failure. ‘I’m not good enough!’

As women, some of us, have the notion that we have to be perfect and handle everything. Keep up with appearance and “competition”. I’m still not sure what kind of competition it is, when did I enter and where the hell the finish line is.

Now, I don’t contemplate defeat, I accept that I can’t do it all and have it all – at the same time. I accept that I’m not perfect but absolutely good enough.

Sensibility is hard to find sometime! But when it’s present I ask myself; what’s the worst thing that can happen if for example the house is a mess for a day or three? Or if I don’t get to post on my the way I used to? Well, nothing. Yeah, ok, my statistic will suffer but I will still remain in tact.

My aim should not be to please nor handle everything I think the world expects of me but be able to do what I’m able within reason capabilities and abilities. For I am who I am and that’s more than enough for today – tomorrow’s another different story.

-A.B.-

How Fear Can Empower Us


Fears lie within us all, from irrational to realistic ones in which they can be paralyzing and prevent us from change. And as human beings, we tend to want to hide or even masquerade any type of negative emotion because, understandably, negative emotions are usually uncomfortable or even challenging to go through yet alone deal with.

I fear many things. Like, if I surrender, let go of (all) control something bad will happen and the outcome will rapture my world. I fear not being good enough. I fear many scenarios that may or may not occur on any given moment in my life whereas some do circle in my mind whenever I feel discouraged, stressed out or start to doubt myself.

I fear for my love ones. In short: I fear, but we all do, right? I mean, fear something, in various degrees?!

However, fears can be positive rather than something entirely negative if we are willing to take the time to inspect what hides behind our fears. Conquering our fear enables change, empowerment and self-achievement, which can then help us overcome whatever that is to come.

I had many fears circling in my head when deciding to quit my previous jobs. I had every worst case scenarios planted in my thoughts, which then prevented me from taking action. But I knew deep inside I had to face my fears for the consequences were bigger and perhaps more serious and damaging.

Reality vs Fiction. When fearful we want to become more aware of reality, and our fears can help us distinguish fact from fiction. For there is a thin line between the two and being able to separate what’s real and likely to happened or worst case scenarios that have spiraled out of control in our mind gives us control and empowering us to go through the unpleasant.

Fears can drive us in the right direction and force us to take action. While depending on what fear each individual have, it can put us in live or die state of mind thus give a reminder of what’s at stake and what is important to us.

Fears challenges our behavior, thoughts and action thus changing and shaping us. For change in itself teaches us the journey of life as well as the many paths. Additionally, as we learn and evolve we overcome difficulties and obstacles, resulting in us conquering our fears rather than it preventing us from living the life we want.

Fears teaches us of our resilient ways. Every fear we face and may conquer demonstrates that we are indeed resilient beings. That: “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and life will not necessarily become any easier but as we learn and experience we will grow, evolve and get stronger. And with every fear conquered we devolope wisdom.

To face my fears I’ve searched high and low for any amount of courage I’m supposed to possess. However, my fears usually signalize change ,and at first change is scary, then inevitable and eventually something I come to terms with  as well as embrace. Fears tend to push me to what is important. Nevertheless, from fear I learn I’m capable to go through the emotions and I’m empowered by it to overcome and conquer. For through every challenge we come out wiser.

 

-A.B.-

Alter Your Reality

soulsearching

The idea is to share words written in the moment as I felt them, then or now. Share writings from my journals without any filter. Words I spent time writing to find whatever I was looking for or still looking for. In no particular order or category.

August 9, 2014

Your mind chooses to see or believe what it wants! And sometimes when your dreams and aspirations are in conflict with reality, you create obstacles, instead, start by changing your reality. For what you’ll eventually discover is that anything is possible, and that the key in creating the life you want for yourself is believing that there are no limitations. All in all, believing that anything is possible means altering your reality to create numerous of possibilities. However, it will take faith, action and determination. Empower yourself rather then limiting yourself!

 

-A.B.-

 

Life in a Nutshell

Storm

These days I chose to prepare for my grammar exam and find tranquility in stressful times. So this blog post is a post to reflect on the journey so called life along with the challenges it presents rather than anything new per se.

And to be honest, I’ve been so occupied with everything that’s going on in my life to the point that I haven’t even had the time to process the thought of preparing or writing today’s post.

Along with a mental breakdown you discover that you just can’t control everything, and how quickly things can change from one moment to another.

But then again, that’s life in a nutshell!

Positively, you learn in life how to handle different circumstances, difficulties and challenges. Considering how we human beings go through various of ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ in the course of a single life span, we still don’t possess the ability to predict the future with certainty, therefore, making it almost impossible to be completed prepared for any storm that may come. But you also learn how to cope with the downswings.

So even when it feels like my life has been turned upside down, and that my emotions, misfortunes and certain events have caught and sent me in a whirlwind of lunacy, I still have to find a way to maneuver my way through it all – even when I can’t seem to find the strength to do so. However, through my turmoils I can choose my battles and challenges with great care.

However, what gives me comfort is the thought that it’s all temporary. And you learn to handle what needs to be done.

Happy Wednesday!

-A.B.

Lingering

insecurity

A mental breakdown can boost up old memories – most of them bad ones. And with my past, there are still unanswered questions, unhealed wounds, fear and blame. However, most of the time, I manage life and challenges but the pain manages to linger on…

The pain still lingers on and questions multiplying. Questions I don’t have the answers to. I wonder why me in my despair and why was I their victim of choice. Wasn’t I important enough to respect, value or even love. It all lingers on, the past, the words and their judgements. Why wasn’t I strong enough to fight back, who robbed me of my strength? I let fear take control and I chose to hide my face. My silent gave them strength; signalizing that what they were doing was right and acceptable. I did nothing. Today’s pain disguises itself behind my brave face that I put on for all to see. At least, I am able to feel – no can rob me of my mind and emotions. And behind my faithful and optimistic words. But inside hides a whirlwind of emotions with fear as my number one companion.  And as I feel every sorrow and every loss – I’m reminded of the strength I possess, for I still stand, I’m still remaining, surviving and persisting my story.

 

-A.B.

Being A Night Owl

We’re [humans] apparently fans of labeling things/people and categorising whatever that can be categorised is something we do all too well. But we are who we are!

When talking to so called ‘early birds’ I realize more every time that I’m certainly not in that category. I’ve tried fitting in the typical early bird box, mimicking their every descriptions but I seem to be failing miserably at all of my attempts.

Eventually, coming to terms with the obvious reality was inevitable. I had to face the facts which kept showing that when it comes to my own sleeping patterns I’m just not like most people around me. Ergo, to label myself, it’s fair to say I’m a ‘night owl’. And I have been for a long time!

What makes it obvious, apart from not marching off to bed at sensible hours like other “sensible” human beings?

Well, here are some of the signs –  you know you’re a night owl when…

– You feel invigorating, energetic and wide awake in the hours when everybody else is feeling the opposite.

– You have no problem staying up all night. You enjoy the late hours which for you means total silence and darkened solitude.

– Falling asleep at normal hours seems harder than it should be. For some reasons your mind is at full speed with ideas and creativity ready to burst. Your creativity blossoms past midnight!

– You set your alarm to remind yourself it’s bedtime (trying to fit in the other box). Unfortunately, it never works for the reason that you shut the alarm before it can actually alarm you. Going to bed at 10 pm it’s way too early for you… from this point sensibility has left.

– When the opportunity presents itself, you’re in “sleepless-night” heaven (doubt there’s a such thing!). You’re up till the crack of dawn and you don’t even feel guilty about it!

There is an upside and downside with a lot of things in life, this also applies being a night owl. Am I proud? Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Yet I am who I am, sleeping patterns and all. But if one chooses to believe research on the matter, being a night owl doesn’t sound all bad – it has its pros and cons. Nevertheless, living in an early bird world as a night owl does present certain challenges!

What fits your type; an early bird or a night owl?  Or maybe something else?