Every Battle Can Not Be Won

soulsearching

The idea with this segment “Soul Searching Through Writing” is to share words written in the moment as I felt them, then or now. Share writings from my journals without any filter. Words I spent time writing to find whatever I was looking for or still looking for. In no particular order or category.

September 30th 2016:

There comes a moment when my emotions challenge my every movement and rock the ground I walk on. I then lose all hope and find myself questioning my existence. In the whirlwind of life, fear is present and the mind becomes fragile by the tales of life’s despairs.

As my emotions take the best of me, I’m begging for the strength to carry on. To find the will to face obstacles put in front of me. Yet, during my downswings I have faith that there is meaning even when meaningless acts are thrown at my direction. Then challenging my indecisive mind.

I search for perseverance on the journey of self-discovery. I pray that fear will serve as a guideline rather than a diminisher for all hope. But in fearful moments I witness my self-destructed ways poisoning my sources of merriment. Thus feeding every negative seed ever planted and groomed.

But in fairness of living, I understand every battle cannot be won. Still, I seek victory in life’s battlefields and the confidence to accept while being. And despite hardship I hope that I am able to carry on with life as it holds my hand, guide me to truthfulness and usher its wonders. For in all sensibility, I wish to exist in the uniqueness that is me.

To do so, I battle the struggles in the now and emotions of the past in order to conquest the future. My future.

 

– A.B.

Whithin An Instant Moment

soulsearching

I’ve been gone for a while. But still, behind closed doors I’ve been writing, soul searching and living life as it was meant for me, for now. I carry with me new words, new experiences and new life lessons.

He will not cure me.

But for a moment, in his arms I felt love. Hope.
An antidote for my aching heart and broken spirit.

“It’s all going to be alright,” he whispered..

Simple words; in which I knew to be true. Somehow. Not because of him, nor rescued by him. My will was more persistent than any cure. At best, his love and words were a helping hand through it all.

 

With love,

– A.B. –

Proud To Be

riseconquer

***
I stand strong 

Proud to be
As I am praised 
For the insignificant
But I strive on
My mother’s struggles
Her legacy;
Reminding me of what I am
Who I am in the eye of man
But also who I ought to be
I am today’s woman;
Capable and mighty
In every step I take
I stand and I strive
I am proud to be

****

-A.B.-

To Rise & Cope

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To Rise & Cope

Today I start with or without

I attempt to begin, my strive

Tomorrow I start where I left off

In a moment I convince the mind

To put aside all losses and despair

Alas, battle between armed forces

Reminded that, as I weep my pain

I thrive in my discovery

I am resilient.

I keep my shape.

I overcome.

I survive.

***

– A.B.-

#LinkYourLife Round-Up Challenge 18/11/2016

Welcome to this week’s #LinkYourLife RoundUp Challenge. Here’s last week’s round-up to find out more info about this challenge and also to read the awesome work from other writers that was shared. To be honest, I had completely forgotten about this challenge but I am excited and honored to be selected for this week’s round up. Because my health, energy level and mindset is elsewhere, I haven’t been able to blog as often. However, I couldn’t disappoint for this week’s challenge. Hopefully, I haven’t left out anyone and that all the links work. If you would like to know more about the #LinkYourLife movement to connect and share through several online connections, see Shawna Ayoub Ainslie’s post on how “We Are Better Together.

Now I present the following blog posts, essays and articles shared by writers from the #LinkYourLife community.

Linda Hobden @LindaHobden

Linda shares an interesting interview with Los Angeles based photographer Nina Junger. While I know little about photography, I recommend this post for I find that it’s always inspiring to read about people’s journeys on pursuing their dreams and/or career choices/paths. 

“My dream is to spend 2 years in Africa shooting tribes and animals. I’m very inspired by the rawness and openness of tribes and animals. I am drawn to that type of passion in my own photographs.” – An Interview with photographer Nina Junger

Shawna Ayoub Ainslie @shawnamawna

There is no doubt that the U.S. election has many people questioning the future and where humanity is heading. Many are afraid and from my point of view; with good reasons. However, what is even more heartbreaking in all of this, is the many children (mostly in the U.S.) living in fear of what is to come and the uncertainty in the aftermath.

Shawna shares a personal, heartbreaking and pragmatic post on the aftermath of the election, from a child’s perspective. This is truly an appropriate piece, in light of everything happening in the world right now, and as a woman of color with children of color I felt the many emotions in this piece;

“My tears came later, when my second son returned from school and told me how one of his classmates spent the day crying because he is afraid of being separated from his immigrant family. How devastating it is to live in a country full of humans who can so easily set your humanity aside based on your genetic or locational origin.”Examining the Election Aftermath from a Child of Color’s Perspective

Thomas Ives @BestowingFire

Thomas shares an encouraging post that challenges us to ask ourselves a legitimate question. A beautiful piece inspiring us to think what is important in life and what we wish to leave behind.

“Life is not about clothes, cars or money. It is also not about self-gratification, selfishness, or being self-absorbed. We tend to make life complicated when actually it is quite simple.” What will your legacy be remembered for?

Lidi Wilks @lidywilks

Lidy is away for NaNoWriMo 2016 (how I envy her but wish her good luck!).  Therefore, she shares a guest post by blogger Fanni Suto @Fanni_Pumpkin, who writes and shares her experience and journey with writing and NaNoWriMo.

“I rolled up my sleeves and accepted the challenge. If I want to have kick-ass characters who can battle the whole world and come over every conflict I send in their way, I should start with triumphing over myself.” November, Novels, No Sleep by Fanni Suto

Cheryl Oreglia @CherylOreglia

Cheryl shares a wonderful message inspired by historian Vincent Harding. A message on society and our the important work each individual must go through. She writes:

“Vincent Harding said, <<We don’t need to pull our children out of the darkness but allow them to remain and be a light post in the darkness…This is how we liberate our communities.>> Our children need to find their own disciplines in this world.” That Magnificent Madman Jesus

Rachel Ann Hanson @rahanson10

Rachel shares a short, yet sweet post and offers a parenting input on the innocence and honesty behind nakedness when raising her precious ones, and using skin-to-skin as a soothing element.

“Nakedness is comforting. When E got her two-month shots she cried and cried and cried. Nothing soothed her until we got skin-to-skin.” Comfort and Strength

Tessara Dudley @tdudleypdx

If you’re fearful or in shocked of today’s America. You’re not alone. Tessara shares a honest post on the harsh reality due to this year’s U.S. presidential election, in what that may seem like the end of the world for some. However, there is hope…

“My non-reaction has been confusing everyone around me. In a community turned upside down and storming with emotion, I am not… but I am determined. I understand your fear and anger, and I will hold space for you to grieve, and I will do the work of protecting and supporting and loving us, and I will try to mitigate the terrible impact of Trump’s presidency.”The World is Ending – But It Isn’t

Charli Mills @Charli_Mills

Charli shares a post consisting of short prompts (in 99 words) by various writers. The topic is fitting as for many perhaps the end is near?! The central point of the stories is an unexpected ending, fitting the chaos and recent events. She writes:

“It’s fitting that writers explored what the end means. While we might want satisfactory endings, the end can also surprise us or shake us. This week we explore the possibilities of the end we didn’t see coming.”Beyond The End

*****

It’s a honor to be a part of #LinkYourLife with such amazing and inspiring souls and writers. Hopefully, you will all take the time to appreciate these wonderful writers and #LinkYourLifers.

Wish you all a happy Friday and a pleasant weekend!

Love,

AminaBerg

Reflection

When you’re unable to function the way you’re used to, is when you realize how fortunate you were to begin with. When you’re trapped in you’re own body and missery, is when hope slowly evaporates. You see no end to you’re missery and what feels like suffering.
You feel the essence of you slowly drifting away. You feel no joy but the regret of taking it all for granted.  Although you know relief is far yet prominent, you still find yourself drowning in despair. However, well aware, that in order to make it through the discomfort of your blessings you must persevere and stay hopeful. For there is no any other way but to take it all day by day. 

 

– A.B.- 

The Life of Mia – A Famliar Face

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#22 – Previous parts in the serie can be found here. A weekly blog post where I share pieces of Mia’s story and journey (as I’m currently writing the novel!). 

They say the truth will set you free, but they leave out the part where it’ll first hurt and shatter everything. I rather hold on to the lie a little while longer, for ignorance is bliss.

****

I need to point out, professionalism aside, it should be illegal for me to break bad news to people. Understandably, I end up choking on my words, like in this very moment. But in all honesty, I wish to slap her! One, for suggesting such idiotic idea – it would give me such pleasure as I’ve always wanted to unleash something on her, anything just to get her of my back. Two, for not even showing any kind of care and respect for the whole situation. But at 3 am and with everything going on, I simply don’t possess any ounce of stamina, capability to breath regularly or yet alone keep my balance. Trying to understand how she could suggest such lunacy is beyond what I can wrap my head around.

“I mean, since you know more about the whole situation!” she says with her phone still attached to her ear. Whilst holding the spirit and attitude of any typical mean girl (which does not suit a supposedly grown woman).

“I…” my attempt to say anything fails, my brain’s not even able to think straight. How can she even ask me. I desperately try to think of something that can get her of my case, for now. Sadly, I fail at that too. The desire to unleash my frustration lingers on, though.

“It’s not her responsibility to do your job, Sara. ” 

The sudden sound of his voice behind me startles her. As for me, a sense of relief runs through my limbs and surprisingly, I notice my shoulders unknot and for what seems like a very long time without air, I can now breath again.

“Beside, I’m sure you’re more than capable to inform Emma’s father,” he frowns at her suggestion and the look on his face is serious and unrelenting. A new side of him I’ve yet witness, at work or private.

“You’re right, Nicholas. I’ll get to it!” she blurts out. And just like that the mean girl persona vanishes as she peels off back upstairs and disappears in the background. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Linda” she says returning to the poor individual on the other line, and just like that as if she did or said nothing wrong.

He turns his face to me, and at one sight I notice his familiar smile which transforms his stern face and in an instant moment he’s the Nicholas I’ve come to know.

“Are you ok?” he asks, and in this moment, in his present there is hope, a familiar face to lean on and a closeness to give solace to my inconsolable heart. And with his hand on my, an instant touch, reality silently retreats as we stand against a background of sheltering chaos. But Emma still battles and the clock ticks as they now rush her to the hospital.

“Oh, God, I can’t go through it again…” 

****

-A.B.-

Alter Your Reality

soulsearching

The idea is to share words written in the moment as I felt them, then or now. Share writings from my journals without any filter. Words I spent time writing to find whatever I was looking for or still looking for. In no particular order or category.

August 9, 2014

Your mind chooses to see or believe what it wants! And sometimes when your dreams and aspirations are in conflict with reality, you create obstacles, instead, start by changing your reality. For what you’ll eventually discover is that anything is possible, and that the key in creating the life you want for yourself is believing that there are no limitations. All in all, believing that anything is possible means altering your reality to create numerous of possibilities. However, it will take faith, action and determination. Empower yourself rather then limiting yourself!

 

-A.B.-

 

The Life of Mia – Deep Cuts

Untitled drawing (4)

#21 – Previous parts in the serie can be found here. A weekly blog post where I share pieces of Mia’s story and journey (as I’m currently writing the novel!). 

They say the truth will set you free, but they leave out the part where it’ll first hurt and shatter everything. I rather hold on to the lie a little while longer, for ignorance is bliss.

*****

I didn’t expect nor prepare but then who in their right minds would. In the aftermath, silence and tranquility transforms itself into despair as I now find myself in a frantic state of mind. Every inch of me is trembling. It doesn’t take long before chaos erupts in the entire room, all in the midst of life and death. I’m able to move as my body stays frozen, like an image stuck in time; I feel numb. And in all blurriness, I notice blood on my hands from my attempt to stop the bleeding. The wall behind me, where I once stood in her room becomes my support and I watch, steps away, her motionless body as they try to bring her back. So far, no response but she’s yet to be gone. I notice more blood as they remove the towels I had wrapped around her wrist. Worst now becomes the reality I find myself in and in an instant it all changes and darkness reveals its true color.

“When did she cut herself?” she asks, and as a paramedic I’m sure she’s used to dealing with people in shock but from the look on her face, she’s hoping that I was still wearing my professional hat – set aside human emotions and provide her great insight.

“I..I..don’t know,” I stutter, hearing my words I can immediately hear the lack of certainty. For at some point, in all stillness, I stopped checking for the time. You know the saying, it’s always quiet before the storm hits? Well, the storm still rages on as the troubled girl I once held in my arms battles for her life; for a second chance, her return.

It’s all chaotic, madness even. On the floor, I’m in utter shock and attempting to process every small movement and every word while it all plays out in my head, but with all good reason everything seems to be operating at a faster pace. And unable to keep up, I rest on the realization that they know what they are doing. They have to, in order to save her.

“Emma, can you hear us?”

“Stay with us, Emma!”

As they call out her name, a tiny sense of hope compels my attention. But it doesn’t drown my helplessness, fear and trauma. If only I’d stayed by her side; wishing to turn back time floods the novelty of hope. It’s plain to see that time is crucial and I decide there’s no time to wallow in self-pity reminding myself the nightshift is not completely over and I’m still at work. I collect the courage and get myself back on my feet and aim at being of use to the boys who I’m sure are also affected by all of this.

As I make my way to the hallway, leaving the action behind, I bump into Sara who’s on the phone. As Emma’s primary contact at the house, she holds the responsibility to notify next of kin. In the midst of it all I must admit my first and only caller was Nicholas, not owing the fact that he’s office manager. As I approach her, I suspect it’s not Emma’s father on the other end who she’s talking to. As our eyes meet, she slowly nods at my direction with a firm look (the kind of looks that teacher give a kid as punishment for something they’ve done) and mouths ‘hello’. At my poor attempt of returning the same gesture I manage to draw a forced smile. Luckily, her focus shifts back to her conversation.

“…I agree, she’ll have to be admitted if it all goes well. It’s too risky to have her stay here.”

And just like that, as she fights for her life, her fate is now being decided as well as the duplicity of life tests my will. What’s my next move?

“…we’ll notify her father right away. Hold on. Mia! Perhaps, you can do that?!”

******

Happy Friday!

-A.B.-