Proud To Be

riseconquer

***
I stand strong 

Proud to be
As I am praised 
For the insignificant
But I strive on
My mother’s struggles
Her legacy;
Reminding me of what I am
Who I am in the eye of man
But also who I ought to be
I am today’s woman;
Capable and mighty
In every step I take
I stand and I strive
I am proud to be

****

-A.B.-

She Loves In Fear 

roseShe loves fearful of the pain she’s designed in her head. Afraid of his presence she takes the steps back, fleeing what could have been. 

She doesn’t see the beauty that surrounds her – inside and out. The world has made her blind to the colors of her heart. Made her hate the truth in the mirror. 

Her events consists of fighting her battles in the dark whilst pushing love aside. Alas, she loves in strenuous ways chasing wounded souls. She loves in mysterious ways, in the battlefield of broken hearts. But in fear she remains as her soul searches blind to give in; to his love and glory.

 

-A.B.

Feeding Fear

A short prose on self-doubt and inner conflict with the ‘self’. An on-going battle until one manages to find a way to stop feeding in to it all.

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“You’re a failure,” she announces, insensible of the truth she lashes out some more whilst pending self-surrender.

“You’ll never make it,” she declares with no outright certainty, alas, tormenting me with more dishearten bigotries. Behind my courage and endurance I feel as if I’ve tricked myself  in delusional thinking. That, perhaps she is right.

In her aims, she always has more…

You’ll never be good enough!”

She will not stop until she is tamed. Her words sends fear thrusting through my limbs. I feel numbness taking over thus my vain attempts become arduous for my soul.

She sings the melody of shame and self-doubt, and I dance to her every beat. It will take hope and self-love to break free from her untruthful words but only to discover that I am my worst enemy, feeding into my fears whilst, in the name of mothering, providing them nourishment and verity.

-A.B.-

My Silence 

​As I hear the sound of speach

I feel beyond words

I hear beyond stillness

Silent serves my mind

I think before I speak 

I study the waves of silence 

For my heart seeks solitude

Emotions are neither right or wrong 

A well thought reason is valuable

My silence is my expression 

Immunity

I am not immune to the rage of hell
For each night I lie awake reminiscing
the resemblance of truthful hearts
Where one plus one combined two souls

Mornings resembling grief
I have yet to overcome
I recall every silent motion;
moments that captivated my heart

Her tinted skin with delicate colors
providing solace to my essence
The one who lay beside me
whilst time opened doors for one to enter

In the now, memory rests a broken heart
For my immunities does not grant me
the fortunes of life and eternal verities
Thus love abandoning a vulnerable creature

I now bow to the infernal belt of hell

-A.B.-

In a Dream is Where I Remember You

I dreamt of tomorrow,
I dreamt of tonight
I dreamt of you holding my hand
As the melody takes place
and the sound fills my heart
We are one as we stand in a empty room
My heart felt everything
every touch, every breath.
The beating of your heart
while nothing becomes undivided.
For eternity I hold in heart
what is out of reach
Images of you fading as I open my eyes
Locked in a dream
And when it all begins each night
in a dream is where I remember you

*****

-A.B.-

My Master in Disguise

When my master sends her request,
I obey with my every being
and if I am to fail,
I am guilty to have not succeeded

Drowning in blame rather than enjoyment
my master confirms any doubts and fears
as my words come out to please

I carry a ton that lowers me down
‘til the ground takes over
as I wallow in inadequacy

With every minutes that passes,
I seem to be suffocating
as my master orders me to keep on

With the thumping of my heart,
I am slowly reaching a breaking point
to a point of no return

If I am to lie here,
I am to feel my every sentiment
a punishment for my obedience

In a long lasting exhaustion
I can no longer rest
for my mind persists its warfare
discovering my master to be
my insanity in disguise