Scavenging Through Life

flowerThe following piece was written and published two years ago. At the time I was going through the emotions and taking life day by day. Although, I feel that I’ve come a long way, there are still moments when I feel I’m still scavenging through life, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

I choose to repost it because, although, it’s been two years the words are still relevant. Life is not easy and it’s not suppose to be either. Nevertheless, as I scavenge through I remind myself that the challenges of life does not define me but rather teach me the (valuable) lessons of life. I am who I am. I’m unique. We all are. I try to focus on the good things in life. I’m grateful. I’m living today but learning for tommorow.

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– Posted March 20, 2015 –

I'm AliveI believe we’re all unique, our journey is not what makes us stand out as individuals but how we react and handle our misfortunes.

My story and experiences are probably not so unique for most people but my story is not what makes me unique, is the person I am – body, mind and soul. Born into poverty, going through lost, abuse and rape, in addition, having to live an unstable life was a part of my journey. I can’t look at it in any other way. Therefore, it’s become more and more clear to me that my past was intended for me, no matter how painful it all was and sometime is. Nevertheless, without my disturbances and turbulences I wouldn’t be the person nor where I am today.

I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given – I can even go as far and say, I’m also grateful for the life and experiences I’ve been given. But mostly grateful for having a mother who managed to do (alone!) everything in her power to provide a better life and future for the both of us. No matter how difficult it all was, she never gave up. She prayed, visualized and acted on the choices given to her.

For a long time I spent my energy figuring out and asking why it all happened to me (us), when the more correct approach for me would have been; it all happened, my past is my own. Now, how can I use it? I guess, better late than never, right?

Having to go through many challenges in my life – good and bad, there’s two things most of my experiences have in common, which is the lessons they’ve all taught me (cause they’ve all taught something big or small) and that everything happens for a reason. We all know by now (or should know) that in every experience – good or bad, there’s a reason and lesson to be learned. We might not see the lesson while we’re experiencing but it’s always there and waiting to be received.

So for me, when something happens (mostly bad things) the knowledge of that there’s a lesson that will reveal itself makes me embrace and be aware of every moment of my turmoils. Now, I’m not saying it makes the problem or the particular challenge easy to deal with but in some type of form it gives me comfort knowing that nothing is in vain. Along the way in my journey I’ve discovered many of those reasons. So for me, the evidence is there.

“If you’re too busy questioning life, you’re not paying attention to what
the universe is trying to teach and reveal to you.”
– Amina Berg

I’ve come a long way, and even if I have more questions than answers at least I’m not afraid to explore and learn as I go along. Questioning life is not necessarily a bad thing, it just means you’re awake and aware but not paying attention in the other hand sabotages the experiencing and evolving part life and we risk missing out on the glues that life gives out.

I’ve stopped focusing and asking to many ‘why’-questions (e.g. ‘why me?”), because it blinded me to the answers that were at times right in front of me. Now, I practice asking ‘how’-questions. The biggest one of all: “how can I insert more meaning, happiness and purpose in my life?”  Fortunately, I’m still learning and isn’t that what life is also about?

 

Wish you all a pleasant weekend!

With love,

A.B.

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