Lingering

insecurity

A mental breakdown can boost up old memories – most of them bad ones. And with my past, there are still unanswered questions, unhealed wounds, fear and blame. However, most of the time, I manage life and challenges but the pain manages to linger on…

The pain still lingers on and questions multiplying. Questions I don’t have the answers to. I wonder why me in my despair and why was I their victim of choice. Wasn’t I important enough to respect, value or even love. It all lingers on, the past, the words and their judgements. Why wasn’t I strong enough to fight back, who robbed me of my strength? I let fear take control and I chose to hide my face. My silent gave them strength; signalizing that what they were doing was right and acceptable. I did nothing. Today’s pain disguises itself behind my brave face that I put on for all to see. At least, I am able to feel – no can rob me of my mind and emotions. And behind my faithful and optimistic words. But inside hides a whirlwind of emotions with fear as my number one companion.  And as I feel every sorrow and every loss – I’m reminded of the strength I possess, for I still stand, I’m still remaining, surviving and persisting my story.

 

-A.B.

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