I’ve always been aware of who I am as a person and what perhaps separates me from those I meet and interact with in my life. I’ve known what role I’ve perhaps play in certain settings. However, there are certain aspects I’m proud of, a few I’m trying to change and other aspects I’m struggling to accept. Aspects that I seem to have a love/hate relationship with.
I know I’m a nice person and that I aspire to be nice and kind to others. But of course, I have my moments as we all do.
But in my mind, if there is even such of a thing, I’m too nice. To the extent that I put others first and carry people’s burden, feelings and responsibilities on my shoulders. So I guess the following aspect of my personality describe best what I mean with ‘nice’ in which I find it hard to accept because at times it becomes more of a curse rather than something completely positive.
There is always an upside and downside to everything. And I’m learning that in certain aspects of life it’s more about balance than anything else. But no matter the struggle and complaint, I always aspire for goodness and kindness. It’s just who I am and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
My kindheartedness is very much a part of my personality. I’m sympathetic to others and take into account of people’s well-being.
To me, an act of kindness comes naturally but every so often at the expense of my own well-being. Here lies the reason why I struggle to accept this aspect of myself. From oblivious to now where I’m learning to have balance. As well as learning that being kindhearted does not mean losing or undermining myself in the process, for it then becomes a weakness rather than a strength.
It’s not an aspect I want to change but choose to improve. It’s a conscious work of being aware of my actions and there are several reasons why being kindhearted is definitely a strength.
My sense of obligation to be responsible and take responsibility for certain things or roles assigned by my own conscience. The struggle is when I realize I have taken on to many responsibilities and then depend on someone to lighten to load. I then tend to feel defeated for I’m reminded that I’m only human.
An act of kindness never goes wasted nor taking responsibility but it loses value (mostly to you) when it’s at the expense of personal growth, your own needs and desires. For after all, we are human!