I sat there thinking I was certain of who I was. Until who I was not was pointed out. Slowly losing confidence and self-worth with every breath as the words of unkindness and meanness nature reigned upon me. In that particular moment, three words would haunt me onwards. – “you are ugly”. Stripping me of any stored self-esteem and lining up an army of insecurities.
With these words, I was to believe that my subjective emotional evaluation of my worth was dictated by someone else’s judgement. From it, I learned and realized the power of words.
At the age of thirteen, I was told I was ugly. And if that wasn’t painful enough to hear, the color of my skin was of the wrong kind. Words that could not be taken back for there were now becoming facts.
“I walked around in total oblivion of the obvious. You pointed out the obvious. I was colorblind. You stared at my being yet you could not see past the exterior given to me. Repeatedly, you pointed out what was missing and wrong, instead of what was already there. Sadly, you will never know how your cruel intention made a mark. And how it would take time to heal from. Alas, I am partially to blame for I gave power to your opinion.”
Our memory is fragile and can play tricks and challenge us. Words tend to stick the deepest and take the longest of time to overcome. What a person perceives to be true based on memories can be subjective. We are influenced by many things, our emotions included.
Sadly, I have many troubling memories – memories that have shaped me to be the person I am today. Apart from this one, how words can make an impact in someone’s life, I occasionally have memories of the night I was a Silent Victim.
We hold on to good, happy memories but wanting to discard, suppress or erase the troubling ones when it comes to light of consciousness.
But our troubling memories only have power if we surrender to them!