#LinkYourLife Challenge: Day 2 – ‘Who I Was’

Oblivion

Day 2: Write a letter introducing who you were.

Life has a funny way of working out sometimes. It amazes me how we can learn and evolve as human beings by simply going through the glorious and challenges of life. We possess the ability to persevere and survive, if only our emotions weren’t so ridiculously unpredictable and in certain situations, a fragile element that can either defeat us or empower us.

As I child, despite living in poverty and instability, I was a happy child – a vibrant child. Over the course of my pre-teens and adolescent years it all shifted. By that time I had seen and experienced too much of people’s lunacy. And eventually, it all left a mark.

I became, as I like to call it, an introvert with the ability to socialize. Onwards to adulthood my insecurities started to kick in full force and I withdraw myself from my own emotions, seeking easy solution and comfort.

Nonetheless, I had managed to achieve a lot in my early and mid 20s. Marriage, two beautiful children, a bachelor degree (whilst embracing motherhood) and onto a solid good job. All seem to be well! I was happy (on occasionally).

I was a ‘giver’ first. Giving until I had nothing else to give. I was the type of person who wasn’t capable of saying no. Alas, at times I would discover my ability to say no’’ only to discover guilt washing over me like a mighty wave. I basically suffered from a good-girl-syndrome to say the least.

I was a person who cared too much about other people’s opinions. I was driven by outside force rather than my own and thoughts. I would often value other more than I did me. Depending on their acceptance and validation.

Two years ago I felt empty, lost and for some reason lack clarity in my life. Anxiety, stress and depression now kicked in as they made their debut with great and deep impact. I realize that, life was going to test me once more. It was going to make me feel, discover and embrace who I am.

For a while I was living ghost. I wanted to give up. I wished for it all to end.

But behind my bad days I had good days. I was able to create good memories that would make me hang on to life as I fought to remain unbroken.

I rediscovered the joyous benefits of writing – a hidden/suppressed passion. But through writing I was able to express and find hope. I wrote a lot of my battles, emotions and struggles. If you wish to read  click on the category  ‘Unbroken Spirit’ on the ‘Explore’ section on your right or here.

 

Love,
-A.B.-

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