Pt. 12 – Previous parts in the serie can be found here.
A weekly blog serie based on the character Mia – the rebellious one, who struggles to leave the past behind and face her fears. It’s been clear, long before, that the choices she makes tend to her in trouble. But what happens when the present forces her to let out a long kept secret?
“I thi…” I say attempting to repeat my words but failing as I go along. I’m pacing up and down with no sense of direction. Tapping my fingers on my thighs. My hands are sweaty and I can feel my temperature rising. Across the room he awaits. His eyes all over me, staring me down whilst patiently expecting me to give an explanation as if my words weren’t clear enough. Did I stutter? I’m not sure.
I stand still as I inhale and exhale in one go and muster the courage to repeat my words once more.
“I think you should go.”
“I heard you the first time,” he says as he approaches the sofa and reaches for his phone that won’t stop buzzing. I notice he sets his phone on silence and puts it in his pocket. He lowers his head and folds his hands, then asks “Why, is there something wrong?”
I’ve always been good at rejecting certain people in my life. Like the time I broke up with David in high school because he kept declaring his love for me in endless messages. Then, there was Roger who played chess. We couldn’t agree if chess was a sport or not. In my opinion it’s not. We dated for two weeks. Chris who I ignored until time determined it was over. Unfortunately, the list goes on. But in retrospective, all these were logical reasons. Still, this is now and I have a greater logic to deal with based on sensible facts.
Nicholas who stands before me is married/separated and currently my boss. To stir things up even more, he turns out to be a neighbor of my beloved sister, the Saint amongst our family. The world couldn’t be more smaller.
It’s been over a month since our first meet. But as time progresses we manage to cross a few danger zones as we risk it all for nothing. In life there comes a time when a mistake feels right but the risk are too greater. I risk vulnerability and my sanity.
“Yes, all this,” I say with hand gestures pointing out the two of us. “is wrong. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
My emotions is high intensity. My voice is shaky as I fight the urge to shed a tear. I assure myself that it won’t come to this. Seconds too late, I turn around to hide my eyes, I clear my throat and mutter, “Please leave, Nicholas.”
“Mia, come on talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind,” he insists as he takes a few steps closer.
“Me.” I say pulling back.
“I need to protect myself before disaster hits. It always does.”
He rubs his forehead. He holds out his hand. But I don’t take it. I can’t take it. I stand motionless with nothing but space between us, realizing there is no turning back and this is it. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that we’re just a mistake and it ticking bomb of foolishness.
I don’t give him much choice. There is nothing more to discuss. I tell myself this is no goodbye, only a mistake being rectify now rather than later when it will all be too late.