Pt. 11 – Previous parts in the serie can be found here.
A weekly blog serie based on the character Mia – the rebellious one, who struggles to leave the past behind and face her fears. It’s been clear, long before, that the choices she makes tend to her in trouble. But what happens when the present forces her to let out a long kept secret?
I hate roller coaster rides. The highs and lows. Fear rushing through my body. The sudden screams as if my insides may suddenly to erupt. The constant tension running through my shivering limbs as my life flashes before my eyes. Revealing every mistakes, regrets and trauma. I’m all in for fun and adrenalin but this sort of rush is not my definition of enjoyment. Still there is always an end to such pointless amusement (endangerment!) that some seek. And when my feet touches the ground I’m supposed to feel somewhat alive and invigorated. I beg the differ.
There is no such relief when it comes to an emotional ride. I should know by now. The ride of my kind is where I’m caught up in my own twists and turns. Alas, is not my emotions that scares me the most, but my actions. Ignoring mother’s attempt to reach out. Reckless choices in men that will most certainly end up breaking my heart. The choices I keep on making that seem to always invite trouble on my doorstep. Literally. Nicholas is no exception.
The apartment is looking a bit more tidy than earlier (it took twenty-five minutes). The pile of clothes have been moved to another spot. I imagine they’ll be there for awhile. I could have cleaned more if I cared. I mean, my vacuum cleaner has not seen a light of day for almost to two weeks. Nicholas does not seem to notice though as he’s been busy talking while I listen. Talking about nothingness seem to be the norm of our conversation. However, time flies in his present.
“You done? One slice left, you can have it,” he offers pushing the pizza box towards me. I’m tempted but three is usually my magic number. Besides, I don’t want go through the part when I detect and discard every sliced pieces of mushroom.
“One more slice will send me into a food coma.”
“So, you probably don’t want my surprise dessert?” he says as he gets up and clears the table. I my move my way to the sofa as it’s calling my name.
“What kind of dessert did you bring?” I ask thinking there is always room for dessert. Like father used to say, dessert normally slides its way through empty space.
Turning to face him I notice he puts a smirk on and replies, “You’ll have to wait.”
From the coffee table the buzzing sound from his phone alarms me, catching my attentions. Curiosity pulling me closer to check. Camilla calling.
I easily give in to my constant curiosity and spontaneity. I know I should not have agreed to this; the words of Irene and Maddie still lingers on in my mind. Reality checks in once in awhile to remind me he’s still my boss. Additionally, not letting me forget that he’s still married. By now, I doubt mother would be surprised if I had told it all during our lunch when time seem to move at a slow pace. Yet here we are, Nicholas and I. Pretending like the outside world does not await. A moment of truth that I cannot ignore.
Nicholas returns from the bathroom, oblivious of the roller coaster of emotions that runs through me. I once again remind myself of the ludicrous of the whole situation. And the ridiculousness of this evening, of everything.
The chattering from the radio covers the silence. I’m noticing a shift in my mood. I can feel tension rising. My silent scream wanting to burst out. And without any signs of warning, I jump from the sofa bursting out the words,
“I think you should go!”
The words not resembling something I would want to say. But now it’s out there. I’ve said it. Now, it’s his turn.