It still continues…
Today, I’m a year older and here I am, in a good sense. Since my last birthday, I made the decision to pursue a passion. I chose to wake up and take action, not to mention control over my own life. I chose to believe that I was capable of change, that something was off and I needed to be true to myself. Back then I felt more like a living ghost rather than an actual being. Although I’ve felt defeated at times, I’ve never felt broken.
Through my blog I challenged myself – emotionally and creatively. I put fear aside and went for it no matter how scary it all seemed at the time.
Since May 20th 2015, I chose to say goodbye to the person people thought I should be. I gave up the things that was not making me happy nor giving me a sense of purpose or meaning. But trust me when I say the decision to give it all up was not a simple one. I went back and forth for awhile – most time convincing myself to stick around or give it one more chance. I weighed in the good and the bad, scribbled down the pros and cons, however, in the end the truth was inevitable.
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. – Albert Einstein
Fast forward a year: I quit my first real job after graduating university. I had all the right reasons to suck it up and keep going (great salary, colleagues, safe work environment) but I couldn’t. So I said goodbye to one chapter and moved on to the next. Finding a second job wasn’t hard, however keeping it proved to be more difficult as I was still battling life, my own body and hidden demons. But I was lucky to have had an understanding boss (in both jobs) – who was eager to have me stay and facilitate things for me at work.
Despite my effort, there was a silent voice that I couldn’t keep silent no matter how many sounds that kept putting it on mute. There was no point of clinging on to something that wasn’t working for me.
I eventually (officially last month) quit job number two. But in February I started job number three – working a night shift at a housing project for minor asylum seekers.
I enjoy job number three. Why? Because it gives me the opportunity to pursue my passion, namely writing. I now have what I lack before; time, capacity, space and energy. I’m no longer stressing my way around. And the best part, I don’t need to take my work home with me after I leave the office.
Last year around this time, my life was more of a mess than it is today. I’ve gone from fearful to less fearful. Discouraged to more hopeful. Indecisive to proactive. I trust myself and my ability to make smart choices. I’m not afraid to dig deep if necessary.
Along the way to present time, I’ve discovered that when I’m true to myself and honest with those around me things start to get disentangled.
But there is more to come. Don’t know what. Don’t know how. But something tells me life will unravel its mysteries as time tick and tock. And at 29 years old, today (!), it gives me pleasure to say I’m at least one step closer to whatever that will be.
Taking the first step is unsettling but knowing what you could miss out on if not is even more terrifying.
Thank you for being a part of the journey! For those who came around for ‘The Life of Mia’, I can say that she will return next week. In the meantime, catch up on previous posts here.
Happy Friday and Happy Weekend! I certainly enjoy myself now that I have a legitimate reason to wallow in cake!