I know what you’re thinking; what a misleading headline Or perhaps strange choice of words? But I assure you there is nothing misleading here – it is what it is. And I did it…
I was going to post something totally different today and maybe a tiny more inspiring than this piece. But then yesterday, this happened. So my thought was – I need to share this. I need share the euphoric feeling I felt when the finger popped up.
Now you ask why? And probably curious to what cause this derisive and offensive act.
The event itself is not a long but the emotions and memories behind this behavior is quite lengthy – basically, the story of my life. But I’ll keep it simple and if I can, short.
When I told my husband, he laughed so hard – mostly out of disbelieve and couldn’t quite fathom that I had such a “rebel” hidden somewhere. It was amusing to him that I was even capable of such.
I promise you, I don’t normally behave in such a childish manner. Because let’s face it, giving someone the “finger” is pretty childish – in my mind though.
However, this time something inside me said:
Enough is enough!
No more being a doormat. No more being someone else’s punching bag for release or just
taking it when someone chooses to unleash their crap on me, whenever they feel like it.
So let me back up and explain the situation where a finger-popping reaction was needed, in my mind anyway.
I was minding my business in the car, waiting for traffic so I could make my turn. I was alone in the car which was one of the reason I was able to act on impulse; when suddenly two high school boys crossing the road behind me, bump into my car (pretty obvious on purpose and for fun) and walk away laughing. Giggling like they had achieved something grand. Giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls.
Emotions started building up inside me – I’ll admit some unprocessed emotions. Some, just memories, impressions and self-consciousness. Recollection of hurtful words, taunt and abuse. As I sat there, a feeling of being the laughing stock once again emerged inside me.
We all have a choice to react to something or leave it be. In my case – I could’ve let it go, like I always do(!) and move on. Or… I could for once in my life stand up for myself and do something, just anything to give myself a tiny bit of satisfaction and control in the moment. I chose option two – to just don’t give a f… and pull the finger.
I knew they would turn around, probably to see my reaction and when they did the finger automatically went up. And adrenaline starting kicking!
I was high on pride and sense of achievement. Fear to react was somehow cast away.I enjoyed the seconds it lasted. Every second of it! For once, no guilt or lifting their actions on my shoulder.
For usually, I would most likely turn the other chick and play the victim. And since being an emotional person (as you can tell), I would probably have shared a tear, anger or blame in the privacy of my four walls. I would blame me for their behavior. Or even take responsibility for the whole situation.
Perhaps, a small incident. But for a brief moment I was empowered by my middle finger!