It took awhile to figure out and realize that my worst nightmares and my spirit have not been in vain but surely in pain for a purpose. Somehow, I’ve always known that all of my disturbance have been a part of a grand picture. With every disruption as a piece of the puzzle; revealing a bigger image – piece by piece. If not, what would be the point of taking a deep breath, waking up to a new day and at the same time surrendering myself to the task of living.
I take the bad and learn from it, but I treasure the good and grow with it. A witness, a victim, a fighter, a human being surviving despite adversities. In darker days, my pain wake me up to awareness. Reminding me that life is not a punishment but a blessing – in certain times, in disguise.
The beauty within me was never recognize. Firing words was like bullets, leaving a growing hole in my heart. It’s been said things get better as one gets older, and in some way there is a truth to it. Unfortunately there is no denying that my pain and misfortunes travel with me through time.
The bullets shot at my direction with a perfect hit manages to control my life from time to time. Insecurities boils up into the surface, awakening the pain that was unconsciously put to sleep. The words; the punches and humiliation is attached behind shut eyes. Subtlety was not a part of the game. Despite my insecurities, my hunger to thrive still manages to emerge.
Only I can define who I am. Nevertheless, the undeniable rainfall of bullets makes it hard for the true self to emerge. First impression is everything, they say; I guess, at this point I’ve lost a battle before it has even began. For the naked eye my beauty takes time to discover.
The road hasn’t been easy, and will continue to challenge me as I go on with life. The fist of an evil force couldn’t break me down completely despite the hurt of indifference that left behind open wounds, leaving a broken girl to heal. The images remain but my strength is now visible. What will become of me, will not be taken away. I arose, blooming like the flower I am and was meant to be; like a tree I stand tall with my feet firmly on the ground.
The present, my present is a result of previous experiences – good or bad. I know that now! Which means, erasing my past would be erasing who I’ve become. Unbroken, despite obstacles and wary paths.