…and tuning in.
For the last three months, I’ve been out on sick leave and absent from my job. I’ve spent those months figuring out what cause me to feel burned out, stressed and depressed. The sign was all there but I chose to avoid them until I was forced to face them and evaluate the course I was leading.
In my adult life, I’ve been almost addicted to the rush of life – stress, high speed and excitements. And what I mean by that is not having the time to really listen and think. I was used to living a life where anything could happen at anytime, and when they did, I had to react very fast. I would feel ecstatic but I was running away from coping with everything else.
Moreover, moving around at a fast speed all the time was something that gave me a sense of meaning in some twisted way, I guess. The rush I was getting was something I searched for in my everyday life and at night, I could then collapse and do it all over again the next day. Slowing down meant not being able to keep up with what was happening around me, so I was keeping up and saying yes to everyone else. I was aware of what I was doing to myself but it’s hard to break old patterns.
When I was finally able to relieve myself of stress by slowing down and relaxing, I became more and more aware of my thoughts (again!), what my heart and body was telling me (or trying to tell me).
However, slowing and turning down the volume is so much more than not keeping up or wasting precious time. Because it really doesn’t take that much time to tune in. I’ve felt more alive the last months and more connected than any other period in my life. Being in silence can be intimidating for some. I mean, I’m capable of sitting still and do nothing but there has to be something (TV, music or even the kids) in the background to distract me from my own worrisome and disconnected thoughts. But I can say with great pride: that was then! Now I take great pleasure with listening to myself (in a none mental way) and I take the time to collect myself and turn down the volume from my surroundings. Occasionally it’s needed!
Are you able to hear your own voice as you go on about with your everyday life?
Are you aware of what your inner self is trying to tell you behind all the sounds in today modern society? How do you turn down the volume, and/or collect yourself?