The Good-Girl Syndrome

Yep, that’s what I suffer from and have been for a while, even though it isn’t a real diagnose. If you haven’t picked it up yet, it’s more common amongst girls and women. But I don’t throw out the possibility that the opposite exist amongst boys and men.

Be aware that what I present you is not a medical nor scientific knowledge, but more of my experience about the subject.

The good-girl syndrome is a condition characterized by the need (or obligation) to be good or do good (or both). In addition, feeling a sense of loyalty towards others, and wanting to please everyone else. Speaking from experience, a person who “suffers” from good-girl syndrome tends to loose herself in others. She defines herself by the amount of good she does. Compliments does more damage than good because it advances the condition by increasing the need to do more good. Moreover, pushing her limit even more. A vicious cycle to break, if you ask me.

Like I’ve said, I have this condition and with it I’m more sensitive and vulnerable to stress. Yet another vicious cycle! There are no typical types. However, for me (and others I know) the “symptoms” that makes a good candidate is the following descriptions:

  1. I’m responsible, even compliant. I take too much responsibility upon myself for others problems and tasks.

  2. I’m a “yes”-person, usually without a second thought. Mainly for the fear of disappointing those around me.

  3. I’m up to the task no matter what (often with a smile on my face).

  4. I feed from being acknowledge and receiving compliments for the things I do is the fuel that drives me until the bitter end. I mean, I can’t disappoint the audience, right?

  5. I always manage to make an excuse to get the job done no matter how exhausted or stressed I am. Asking for help will just make me look weak.

  6. Last but importantly, I am a people pleaser. If everyone around me is happy, then I’m happy (so I think).

While I know that, the descriptions given can be positive. However, if not careful and aware it can be a bad side that can wear you out. That’s what happened to me. My body was running on overload, but at the same time signalizing that I should slow down. It’s amazing how our body tries to protect us. But no, a good girl doesn’t slow down – she gets the job done. Nevertheless, the more I pushed myself the more chaos I was making. In the end, my body just completely shot down.

Now, what’s the “cure” you ask? Nothing. There’s no medicine I can take to fix the problem (that would be too easy, if you ask me). Mainly because the problem lies deep. I’m still working on myself but I know that I hold the solution. I now practice saying no, and knowing when enough is enough. I’m more connected with my inner self. I make personal space and time (Creating Personal Space and Time).

In addition, I try to acknowledge and accept the fact that I am good enough. What I do is also good enough and what I have in my life is…yes, you said it – good enough. I remind myself that happiness really comes from within, I don’t have to succeed in order to be happy, but happy in order to succeed.

4 thoughts on “The Good-Girl Syndrome

  1. Maria says:

    Oh my Oh my… This is an issue I had to work with… It is still an on going challenge, but each day I’m getting better 😉 I learned the hard way too… Once my body shutted down out of exhoustion… I decided that I had to take better care of myself inorder to be a better version of myself… Not to forget to mention Now I have more energy and can give more to my beloved ones… Learning to say no, loving me more = a more pleased and happy Soul 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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